familiar sensation

Yes I feel it in my bones and I will let it be known

No matter where I roam this is home sweet home

- Pete Teo, "Here In My Home"


Sometimes, carelessly and thoughtlessly, reaching forward I open my arms in invitation. Such an exaggerated gesture but nonetheless I invite you in. I do so with a welcoming embrace. I openly admit despair has surfaced in this atmosphere. And indeed I wallow in it. The loneliness sets in like a winter chill against bare flesh. Sinking into my veins, no needle is necessary.

So, I open my arms in invitation. Knowing what I have always known, something isn’t meant for me. But, still, I offer an invitation to thee.

Am I a fool to hope? Should sleepless nights become an insomniac waiting?

Ermn...Snow, like a thousand tiny cut outs, from a thousand tiny witches’ paper snowflakes, drifts dizzily from the sky. Like a million feathers from gods’ pillow fight in the sky. Like small, cold stars come in for a landing. I stare up until the ice freezes a picture on my mind, and move away.

And I just got back from the kitchen to take my yoghurt for morning breakfast. The cleaning lady told me this, “Girl, don’t go out. Skip all your lectures. The weather is really bad. Different from Malaysia?”

I smiled. The same picture came to my mind. This is not home.

Before I forget, let me tell you how insensitive my mom can be.

Me: It's snowing in Reading. I miss Malaysia.

Mom: It's raining in Ipoh. So don't complain.

Me: Hello?!

Mom: Be prepared for snowstorms, blizzards and dipping temperature especially Yorkshire. Tell Li Peng. Weather erratic nowadays. Maybe it's global warming or signs from God lah. Anyway, tomorrow is tin koong tan. People r bc with tonight for prayers. I am not doin it. Happy? Btw I've love letters and nga koo - about 3 tins each. Probably can keep them fresh until u come back for summer break.

Me: That's better. I miss Wei Jie boy. I miss the sisters. I miss you ... okay lah, I love you!

Mom: Where's and how's Yen Ne? Don't get depressed.

Thanks. I see she's very concerned with my friends' welfare as opposed to mine. Maklumlah, I hardly get so sentimental with her. Wasted my money on text messages only. *EMO*