pills are my words

I do think I have got mood swings occasionally, and they always catch me unaware. In an instant, I could go from a blissful euphoria to a desperate misery. More than the imaginations and experiences...there is the thrill of not remembering; all satisfying elements of a good night.

No, a great night. Loud banter of conversations filled the eardrums. Drink after drink, one searched for another to sustain oneself. The night was a blur of bodies, noises, faces pressed against one another and sweet, burning, liquor lubricating the dry throat. Shirts and jeans, dresses and leggings, and the skin were sticky with spilled beer, nostrils and lungs clogged with the feverish stench of alcohol.

And yes, also my kick-start of men-fast for the entire academic term. That was a week ago.

Then, I woke up to the realisation that I might just die in a week or two. I listed out all the things I desperately wanted to do. Here's a short list: a tattoo that says "De Profundis" either on my shoulder blades or lower back, witness a revolution in Malaysia, a trip to Switzerland, learn a foreign language that sounds exotic, live in Amsterdam and New York, go to Walden Pond and read Thoreau while drifting in a canoe (sampan?), get onto a hot air balloon, be the mediator between God and Lucifer in person, blow every dime away I have in Las Vegas without regret, write my memoirs, a non-stop 24-hour sex session on a beach plus weed and free flow of booze, see northern lights, salty kisses, a boob job, and to fall in love again -- helplessly and unconditionally.

Fine! To sound a little more intellectual, I want to graduate too. That was two days ago.

Bits and pieces of soul-searching. 20-minute walk to the church which I am very pleased with. A mug of BOH! 3-in-1 tea. Re-read some funny excerpts of Eat, Pray, Love. (And I think every girlfriend of mine should read this book).

Sheer happiness with the purest sense of simplicity. That's today.

"Destiny, I feel, is also a relationship -- a play between divine grace and willful self-effort. Half of it you have no control over; half of it is absolutely in your hands, and your actions will show measurable consequence. Man is neither entirely a puppet of the gods, nor is he entirely the captain of his own destiny; he's a little bit of both. We gallop through our lives like circus performers balancing on two speeding side-by-side horses -- one foot is on the horse called 'fate,' the other on the horse called 'free will.' And the question you have to ask every day is-- which horse is which? Which horse do I need to stop worrying about because it's not under my control, and which do I need to steer with concentrated effort?" - Elizabeth Gilbert, "Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman's Search for Everything"

Casual in tone. A guide to food, sacred spaces and romance. One book that makes me want to pack my bags and leave tomorrow.

Have a good week ahead. ;)