ideal of reason or imagination

"Well," said Pooh, "what I like best," and then he had to stop and think. Because although Eating Honey was a very good thing to do, there was a moment just before you began to eat it which was better than when you were, but he didn't know what it was called."
- A.A. Milne, "Winner the Pooh"


I once read that if we are a pessimist at a young age, we know too much. On the contrary, if we are an optimist at an old age, we know too little. A glass -- half empty or half full; we probably have a smile that has covered everything neatly and expertly.

Sometimes, I do wonder why we are here. The cynical satirist that sneers incessantly in the back of my mind tells me that it's for God's amusement, and logically, in my despondency, I can't think of any other reason. Then again, is there a God, to begin with?

After all, in a certain number of years, we will all be gone; we will be dust floating in space. Great timeless novels, Nobel Peace Prizes, dazzling art pieces -- dust.

Other times, I am reminded. I am reminded why I am here. It takes an extraordinarily resilient and determined person to say, "I am going to be great in life," and stick to it. For all humanity strive for, this is a pretty idea but a little too hopeful, for me, anyway. Yet, the truth is -- we live to be happy. If that happiness comes through great accomplishment or recognition, so be it. If that happiness comes through love and rapport, so be it. If all we want in the world is inner peace, I'd say go for it. Find your happiness.

For some, the smothering dark is lit every once in a while by small, golden moments. It can be a walk in the gardens of a religious retreat. It can be the picturesque Sin City you once saw in the rain. It can be laughter from a joke shared with friends yesterday. It can be the real deal of Ben and Jerry's Half Baked over the one episode of "Sex and The City". It can be the hike up the burning steepness of hills for Gaudi's Parc Guell. It can be the smile on his face months ago. It can be the flower, which still hasn't died, sitting in the vase. It can finally be an Eden that reveals itself with statues of Mother Mary and quotes from the Bible gracing the pavilions and gazebos.

In all its actuality, happiness can be just a state of mind.

But, what if happiness is something to be sought after, fought for, or dependent on someone? Then, it can be a foul creation. Yes, utterly foul. The ephemeral solace, love, adoration, attention, vile and excitement. The entrance it provides into a world where you are accepted, a world where no other could come without your consent, a world that can be all yours. You are - were - a stalker, a conspirator, a human looking to satiate his or her selfish desires. And every word uttered, is uttered through a veil.

Perhaps, we are consumed by life, and from thereon, what's etched into our mind is that fact -- we are the life and no matter how past nor future may collide, we forever would be. We fade like smoke and disappear into the night's wind. For those still standing tall, looking and searching for happiness, think of the road less travelled. With risk we risk to lose, with safety we can gain, to nothing but the same.

Ermn...I may have come across to be one pompous, arrogant blogger who has not lived enough to write on life and its shouldas, wouldas, and couldas. I question, I endure, I live. More than that, I do not want to abandon the idea of happiness because it would probably mean abandoning not just a little silver, but a whole slice of myself.

Yet,I no longer understand this emotion in its totality anymore. For now, maybe, just maybe, I shall sit and watch the present unfold.